Hugs To You

20-some years old and it’s 9:30 p.m. on a Friday night. Didn’t have to work that evening. Blasting some pump-up music at a friend’s apartment surrounded by other good friends. Bottles of liquor on the counter with chasers and a side of snacks. Pictures being taken, laughter filling the air, girls fixing their hair in the mirror and discussion in the background on what bar we are heading to first.

This was a weekend in my life at college.

Let me lay out something quick, though. I kept up with my homework, my grades, made sure that I made it to the library to get things done, made it to class on time (the only time that I didn’t attend class was when I wasn’t feeling the best…which was probably only a couple of times a year), went to my part time job when I was supposed to and did 2 internships. Overall, I was a good student with a 3.4 GPA from a university. Now let’s continue.

My first year of college was at Iowa Central Community College and I felt like I was on top of the world. I was out of the house, living in dorm with 4 other girls, no one could tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. I was a free college student. I had roommates who enjoyed partying BUT I had to be careful because I was on 2 scholarships and I didn’t need that taken away from me. I was involved in music and theater for my scholarships and I had to keep my grades up. Which I did.

Before college, I was involved in my church with LYO (Lutheran Youth Organization) and FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). So I guess you would say that I had a relationship with God. When I got to college…my relationship with God had faded, in my eyes. I had a roommate who was involved with Bible studies and groups on the ICCC campus. I got invited a couple of times to them, but I refused. I remember one evening the group was going to have Bible study in our dorm and I made it a point to leave the dorm while they had it. Did I feel bad about it? Not one bit. I thought I could do something better with my time.

I made friends with people who didn’t show their relationship with Christ and I was fine with it. I didn’t want to have any part of that. But when I would go home on some weekends, I would attend church but, the sermon went in one ear and out the other. Then back to campus I went acting like it was just something crossed off my checklist.

A couple of years later I transferred to the University of Northern Iowa. I became friends with people who had encouraged me to attend a fun night on Sundays at a local church. They served you dinner, played games, worshiped and listened to a message. We did that for awhile and I felt like God was moving in my life.

Meanwhile, I was hanging out with friends who enjoyed going out on the weekends and just having fun. There were things that I wasn’t proud of doing…don’t worry, I didn’t do anything illegal or partake in any recreational things…if you’re catching my drift…I wanted to lay that out there.

I was on dating apps, went on many dates, had a couple of boyfriends, made decisions that I wasn’t proud of. Never got in trouble, never went to jail and I was responsible. Laying that out there, as well.

My last semester I moved in with a girl that I went to high school with and who I was close with. She went to church every Sunday and I decided to join her a couple of Sundays when she had asked me. I wish I would have followed through with going every Sunday and really taking in the sermon. But like before, it went in one ear and out the other and went about the rest of my week like I just crossed it off my list.

Years later, I’m sitting here at my desk at home typing this out on my blog. Looking to my left and I see my husband working, who has helped me grow my faith so much and I have help him grow in his faith. I look up from my laptop and see a picture of me and my beautiful 15 month old and another picture of her smiling from a daycare photo. I look to my right and I see my bulletin board with an inspiring quote that says “May God’s Word come alive in your heart this week, illuminating your path and transforming your thoughts with His Truth”. I also have a small nik nak of Jesus and a sheep that our church was handing out one Sunday sitting on my desk.

Years later, I’m involved in the church with being on the leadership team of the Adorned Women’s Ministry, I’m co-head planner for Christmas on the Hill, involved in the Welcome Team, Care Ministry, I’m a Life Group Leader, I attend several Bible studies throughout the year, I help with some administrative work when asked, and I love our church so much and serving.

Times have changed so much and I love talking to people about Jesus and expanding His Kingdom.

I’m such an introvert and small talk makes me cringe with people that I’m not really familiar with BUT if you want to get coffee and talk about Jesus, you better block off several hours because I love to do that.

God has worked so amazingly in my life even when I was distant from Him. He has brought me to a place in my life, gave me such a godly man and his family, and He brought a beautiful daughter into our lives that we’ve been praying for YEARS. He is good. All the time, He is good!

I want to give my younger self such a big hug and tell her that it’s OK. The choices that I made when I was younger still make me sad and I’ve regretted not restoring my relationship with Christ sooner. They are lessons learned and I know that where God has me now is for His reasoning, for His plan and for my future. (Jeremiah 29:11) He still loves me, even my younger self. He was waiting for me with open arms when I was ready. I’m always thirsty for Christ every day and I thank Him every day for the life that He has given me.

Hugs to my younger self. She was adventurous, made good friends, made choices that she wasn’t proud of, she tried and tried, she eventually got out of her slump and found Christ again and started a wonderful and loving relationship with Him.

Dear younger Erica, it’s OK and it will be OK. The life and the plan and the journey that God has for you is and will be truly amazing. Sincerely, Erica today.

XO!

E!